lets fuck it up boys. make some noise.

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 13:43:12 GMT

why are guys so confusing.
....
ugh.

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 06:39:29 GMT

i haven't used this in so long!
mostly because i didnt know what to post or that it was worth posting.
but today i was talking with jess until late about everything and how this year has started out compared to last year, so theres a lot on my mind. Its so weird how things work out. For me this year started almost exactly like last year did, same people same drama same sketch and same for her.

I hope that its all over now but im not so sure.
(side note: its weird how everyone seems to know each other or how people you just met have a connection to people that you used to be close with in the past. i think thats weird and makes it nearly impossible to completely move on and get over things.)
It's so frustrating when you confide in someone you want to trust, but probably shouldnt and then they blow things way out of proportion and start telling people. There was talk that i "liked" someone and that nobody could flirt with them or even talk to them, and they made it seem like i was possessive and crazy. And thats not true at all, i said they were hot and got excited when they called because well... they are hot and wanted to chill. I mean, who wouldnt get a little excited? And now they just wont stop talking about when we are gonna date/how hes off limits/everythingggggggg. oh and hes seeing someone else AND we're nothing but friends. It seems people just dont know when things arent their business or when to back off. I thought we were all done with highschool drama.. but apparently not.

Secondly; everyone has that one guy that they compare all other guys they date to. I dont understand why i do that.. when the guy i compare them to, is an asshole.. so really anyone is better, but i still do it. I know that i would never date him again, ever but if he ever got a girlfriend, id be a jealous wreck. so hopefully that doesnt happen? i want him to be happy, just not with anyone else. I dont want another girl to take my place, or whats left of it anyway.

In 2 weeks im pretty sure that a lot will change and i have mixed feelings about it. She has been by my side through everything and having her in a completely different country for 4 months is going to be hard. I mean sure we've definitely had our hard times.. but we only came out of it closer than before. She's like a sister and i hope her being away doesnt change that. We have gone 4 months without talking before but it was under different circumstances and it wasnt easy. I'm just going to miss the fact that i dont have someone that i can call at 300 in the morning and talk to about anything and just call her up and come get her to drive with me to markham at midnight just for the company. I'm envious that she gets to leave this place, and happy that shes excited and happy for this because she's been through a rough year. Im excited that she'll get to meet new people, and have this experience. but at the same time.. she cant leave me! My parents said that i could fly out there and visit for a week, so hopefully i can do that.. but i have to talk to her about it first. Just thinking that on my break i cant just walk to the store next to me and talk to her, go get her on my break to go get food with me. It's obvious that nobody can replace her.

Im excited for this year. so hopefully it doesnt let me down.

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 02:37:06 GMT

im sorry.
i cant stop thinking about it.
its constant.
i dont know what i feel.
or what to say.
other then, im sorry.
and i dont even know if thats appropriate.
i miss memories, friends, old times, and everything.
i miss everything lately. and it sucks.
i noticed all my comments or anything topeople are always. 'I MISS YOU!'
..i dont get it.
i guess im bad at keeping friendships, or just keeping in touch.
missing people is the worst thing ever, especially when you cant do anything about it.

i miss you.
and everyone else.

some boys should jsut give up on life.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 03:48:14 GMT

my new hobby;
falling for boys that live far away.. driving 2 hours and wasting a weekend to see them.. and them not show up and dont have any idea why that happened. SERIOUSLY.
fucking SWEETEST TIMES ever.

i love being heartbroken.. it fucking owns.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 04:24:30 GMT

this has been a weird few weeks.
it started out so positive everything was perfect, i pretty much had my life planned out, and i wanted it work out so badly..
and then bam.
everythings changed..
and i dont think ive ever felt more alone.
i just feel like i have no one emotionally, even though im surrounded by people i love. There's just kind of a huge feeling of emptiness and in a way like im not good enough.
Today was rough.. in anthro. these girls that i used to be super close with were all gushing about their 'perfect boys'.. and hell they sounds pretty damn perfect, and i would be the first to admit if they even the slightest bit flawed. and then beside me this boy was writing his 'future girlfriend' a love letter.. behind me a girl was writing her new boyfriend one of them 'im in anthro class right now, and i miss you like crazy' type of letters and constantly talking about him. and then everyone was just 'aw love.' around me. i pretty much felt like dying. i dont even know how to describe it, other than that.
I usually always feel like i ahve someone, but not lately. Everyone has their lives, and they're friends and they're boyfriends and whatever.. and i dont know, i feel like its me.. and then them. Its gotten so bad that today i was actually evesdropping to hear the latest gossip because no one tells me anything anymore, and i would normally never care about whos fucking who and whos dating who and who hates who and blah blah. but i actaully really wanted to know, to feel like i actually fit in and was a part of something and for once not left out. but whatever.
i guess i can't force people to talk to me/hangout with me/like me.
i have pretty much given up on trying to make new friends or meet new people or anything.
i feel like i should change everything about me and reenter a new school.. start over.
basically. i wish i was anywhere but here, seriously.. and that i had someone that i could rely on emotionally and who i know would care adn that i could write letters to and be all like 'aaww love'. or maybe even just 'yay life'. i dont know.. something.. thats not as dulling as what i have now(aka nothing).
its times like these when i really wish that i hadnt fucked up so many good things that used to make me so happy.

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 21:44:39 GMT

maybe its this terrible music (on some girls webpage that shes pressing me into 'checking to see if its hot enough' for her.ugh.) aka you and i collide by someone whom i dontknow thats making me realize how much the real close friends i have mean to me.
yeah.. im lame. stfu.
You guys know who you are.
EmOtis. Emma. Marc. my three bestest friends ever.
Andrea.
Caitlin.(i friggen do love you.)
Kristen.

5am.. is party hour.

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 09:42:24 GMT

i hate not being able to sleep.
ive got so much like running through my mind, its crazy.
its about nothing specific.. just everything.
i dont like how things are turning out for me. but i guess ive learned to deal, cause nothings about to change any time soon.
its 530 in the morning, and ive got work in an hour. im at emmas, and everyone is sleeping except me.
Lauren and iwent for a drive atlike 4am to tim hortons with giant comforters cause its like winter outside.. and noww im bored. and not tired. and really wishing i could sleep.
i got my hair dyed today.. i got purple in the my bangs and all underneath is bright purple..it looks pretty sweet.. oh and my neck is a nice shade of purple too.. thats not cool.
Todays my sisters birthday,shes 12. sweet times.

im really confused about this one boy. (yeah, i know.. all my entries are about boys.. stfu.) I fell so hard for him, he was awesome and sweet and so perfect. He made all these plans to live together and my mom was going to drive me down to see him this weekend coming up.. and then he started being a huge dick. and yeah i guess he has reason to.. but whatever. i dont know whether or not ishould go.. or just give up with him.. or maybe try and make things better. but idont know if theres apoint in trying to fix things cause he seems pretty stuck in his ways about being pissed at me.. i dontknow. im disappointed but definately should have expected this.. because i mean it is me we're dealing with.. i sure know how to pick them.

i want to sleep and dream about happy carefree things.

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 00:11:14 GMT

i am in the best mood, im not happy necessarily, but i just feel good. if that makes sense.
i am listening to the early november cause i forgot i had them on the computer becuase i burned the cd, literally, with my straightner the other day by accident and i almost cried.

everything seems so right, right now. i want it to stay this way... even tho i know in like 2 hours it wont be this way anymore, but thats ok. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

I found the friggin' cutest boy ever. he makes me so happy.♥

I just dyed my hair. i think i like it better now, its a redy black. Before it was black, with bleach blonde streaks, that i dyed pink and were now fading out, and it looks pretty damn bad. I'm thinking on getting extensions.. causei really want longer hair.

peace out.

come home with me.

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 16:37:30 GMT

i want the new minus the bear album in my hands, RIGHT fucking NOW.

im impatient.
and jealous.

emOtis you suck.
but i love you, i suppose.
:)

:)

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 04:56:46 GMT

im excited.
and i dont know why.

i think emma got me excited. haha. yay emma.

and im talking to the coolest kid alive.. and we're planning an adventure for saturday when he returns from wherever the hell he is now.. and katelyn is coming(hopefully<3). cause we need to chill i miss that girl.
yay!.

I love my friends to death.
<33333.

fat face.

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 15:46:39 GMT

ughhh.

no wisdom teeth = chipmunk face and me wasting away to nothing.

i want food. not soup that has to be put into a blender first. seriously.

I think: "This is nucking futs" ... thank god for dickie roberts. hes there when i need him. :S

i wanna make clothes avec emo. but iiiii have to babysit now. damn. hopefully after.thatd be sweet.

p.s. he's talking to me on msn.. the boy the ruins my life.. he even seems to ruin my life via msn too. i think hes got super powers.

this changes everything.

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 05:31:34 GMT

every smile.
every stare.
every word.
every touch.

kills me.
tears me apart.
you fucking kill me.

i wish you knew..
or cared..
and wanted me like i want you.

im sick of waiting.
and im not anymore.

ive said it before, i know.
but talk to me, when you know what you want..
cause fuck.

i cant take you anymore.
i cant take the highs of wanting to be with you..
and the lows of when i am.. or after when you dont talk to me again for days.

i should just get over it.
but its not that easy.

the end.

my days are improving. yessss.

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 04:14:07 GMT

so today was one of the best days ive had in a long fucking time.
seriously.
it was a grand ol' time.

i had been really depressed due to a certain boy and his not knowing what he wants-ness. but today i saw him, and it was good. It was like how it was before, and i dont even care whether we date or not casue i surprisingly like what we have going now. but i wonder if it's all to get piece.. cause if it is, im easily fooled. I saw him drive by my school while i was outside trying to find someone to skip the afternoon with me..so i calle dhim and he came back to get me and we chilled outside his school for a bit and then some of my friends came and he left. And he was all himself.. i dont know how else to describe it, and i loved it. so he says that we're chillin' this weekend, but we'll see how the week goes first. yay. i feel good about things. AND he gave me my sweater back, which was in his van all week. and i have been searching for it eveerrrrywhere. yes!. wicked!

and thennnnnn i went back to our school and waited for it to be over, and then my mom came and got me and i went to go do my g2 road test. :S. i wasnt nervous at all until what i call 'Jungle Jack' the examiner came over to me and barked orders at me. then i was so intimated that i was shaking, and my hands were sweating, lovely. i know. so i pretty much did TERRIBLY. but i passed!!!!! so I HAVE MY G2 NOW!!!! i am free, and it feels so damn good. My mom gave me the van to have for the evening/night tonight.. so i went and got emma and we drove my sister to wal mart and then home.. and then around.. and then to the dungeon to visit marcy and some people.. and then to mcdonalds.. and then back to her house. We studied it up for our english exam at 9:00 tomorrow morning. Then we went to shoppers.. and i drove her home and then icame home by 11. i love driving. !!! :)

emOtis i want to drive down and visit you.. and you're peeps.. or when you come up here.. we can go ANYWHERE!!!!. im so excited and happy. :)

wicked. wicked. wicked.
i love my emmas.
and my katelyn.
and everyone.
<33333.

so im all pumped and loving the way this summer started off. so hopefully it all stays this good. damn, thatd be sweet.

p.s. aquafina flavour splash water tastes absolutely terrible.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 03:05:24 GMT

i forgot that i had a livejournal in existance until emma got one, and then i remembered. so i figured i may as well fill it full of bitterness and uncensored EMOtional shit. cause like what else do you do in a livejournal. fuck.

ugh. marc, lindsay, kristen, katie and logan jsut left my house after an eventful night of playing with untuned old school musical instruments, turning cantelopes into children and marc trying to squeeze himself into anything he could fine that looked remotely big enough. and then they left. and no im alone, and overtired and just generally ALONE.

I dont even know you, yet you practically control my life. I am so jealous of everything you fuckign have, cause you have exactly what i want.. and because of you its now totally out of my reach.

and now you. its been a week ands till no call. I gave you fucking everything ihad, and you took it like you cared. yeah right. you cared at the time, and for like 3 seconds after.. but then you're wondering who the next one will be, like honestly. I actually like you.. not LIKED.. LIKE and i still do even though you're avoiding me, or not wanting to see me. i mean its taking everything in my power not to call you right now, so that i can just talk to you because that used to make my night.. and right now,i feel so pathetic and helpless. And as much as i want to tel lyou to fuck off, i cant. i know that when you do talk to me, ill act as if everythings good, and fine because i fell fast and hard for you, nad i know all you wanted was a fling.. and i dont want to be your fucking fling. god damn. im just pissed at you, for everything. this wouldn't be so hard, if i didnt think you werent so cute.
and everyone tells me.. not to be with you, and not to call you and forget about you. but i cant.
i know i will have to, because you're clearly gone.
and that fucking kills me.

so thanks.. for being exactly what i hoped you werent.

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 05:48:35 GMT

yeeeessss. exams are over.
I now have 5 days to do nothing, other than work. urgh.

So friday i had my chemistry exam at 9, and then my history at 12:30.. both of which i thought were really hard. I assume studying would have helped. Then i had a really lame bus ride home because there was only like 5 of us on this giant yellow school bus, thank god i had bright eyes, he saved me once again. I ran in the door and dyed my hair, then i went babysitting. I hate babysitting. I thought these people would never ask me back either, and i was fine with that. because i didn't clean up our mess, or put her daughter to bed because she is such a brat and just screamed the whole time. But hey, i did it again, and made $80 for 6 hours, did i mention they're super rich, so im thinking that i could make the exception and babysit for them once in awhile. Then saturday i had work and went to the dungeon to see my friend's boyfriend's band play, uhm..it was interesting. ha. yeah the last band 'arms to illustrate' was really good which made up for the other ones. Then we walked to mr.sub and back for no reason. Anthony drove us to wendy's. All 10 of us in a van = hell. then he drove us all home. Sunday i actually got to sleep in.. woot!. Then i was woken up with 'she had the goddamn barbeque lighter' i thought that was nice. I went work boot shopping to canadian tire, and marks work warehouse, thats always fun... in a not so fun kinda way. Then grocery shopping. After Katelyn called, and i went over there where we watched 3 episodes of the OC first season dvd. and to think, this weekend actually had potential. er.

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 03:31:53 GMT

all i can say is... <3conor. wow. what an amazing show. im am really impressed with how great he sounds live. He sounds better then he does recorded. I love his writing, language, and style. *sigh* I really liked bright eyes before, but there's something about seeing conor perform live thats just like.. wow. yeah. it was awesome. and so was this weekend, as 'random' as it was. I went down to emma's on friday after school, and we went to bright eyes, then emma in her slick city style waved us down a cab, who decided that he couldn't take us where we needed to go so he drops us off at the cornor of Sherbourne and Dundas. It was uncomfortable. And it was some huge ordeal to find a taxinumber and try to tell them where we were, but eventually we got picked up and taken to emma's house. Then on saturday we were blessed with some wicked snow storm that ultimately caused me to be stuck in Toronto another day, and call into work and ask my boss to work for me, luckily she is awesome and said she would. woot! another day to par-tay. Then we went over to Laura's, where we watched a 'fromage marathon' with laura, ted, emma and i. Sunday i had to get up nice and early and catch the 10:23 train home to brooklin, ick. And then i did a huge, gigantic math assignment, which i actually was into completing.. strange. then i had to watch desperate housewives.. i dont know what it is about that show that im drawn to.. haha.. its like my little secret.. but i guess its not anymore... oh well.

i think its time for bed.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 03:47:36 GMT

im thinking that i shouldnt miss anymore days in this semester, even though it is only like another week and a bit.. that is harder then it sounds. I dont think that ive gone to school a full week since school started, maybe once. urgh.. and next semester ican't miss any! none!.. im going to die. stupid peer tutoring for an art class full of irritating grade nines.. who are going to mock my excellent artistic abilities.. or lack thereof. :) i can't wait. So i've done all except one of my isus a week before they're do, so im really stress free except for the irritating reminder of exams. oh well... ill study when they get closer. so yeah, on friday Tyler invited me to go and hang out with like katelyn ,erin and don, and heather and monty which was cool. I was kinda uneasy about it at first because heather and monty and i had a falling out and never really recovered i guess you could say. But it was tres fun and surprisingly not awkward to me at least... and i make most things awkward.. dont i emma. i like to think its one of my better traits :)
BRIGHT EYES !!! this friday! yay! im excited i actually have something to look forward too. and NO WORK on saturday!.. uhm AMAZING! i never get work off... but i gave them 3 weeks notice and bam, no work pour moi. :D. i rule.

i really love the movie napoleon dynamite and how awesome it is... but its those damn people that like get forced into watching it by friends and then they sit in class and do terrible impressions of napoleon and kip. because they were surprised by how good it actually was. it is just so.. AH! at one point during history this lame jock kid stood up and was like trying to demonstrate the way napoleon kicks... and his voice. i just hate those kids, they'll never win my heart the way napoleon did.. <3.

I actually watched the rest of kill bill vol.2 it was good, i just didnt get to see the very last part... and im not sure why.. but i didn't.
:)

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:15:57 GMT

fuck. im in such a bad mood and its pissing me off. I have like 10 ISUs all due on the same day. Its impossible to get anything done in this house today because everyone is screaming and yelling at each other and getting everyone in these wicked tempers that make you want to shoot yourself. Ive been so emotional lately, i seem to always be holding back tears. some people dont realize how much fucking pressure and expectation one person can take and then when you screw up they think its the end of the fucking world. I hate everything at the moment.

2005.. woot!

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 06:55:12 GMT

Happy 2005!

haha. oh.. new years celebrations. I went downtown to the eatons centre today with Emma, and bought pants and 2 cds. And then the new years fun really started.. we we made our way back to her house at like 5 only to find that we had no key! And her parents had gone to see the aviator which is 3 hours long and wouldn't be home until like 7. So we tried breaking into her house through the mail slot with a garden shovel, and that didn't work so she went to a bunch of different neighbours and no one had a key, i really hope that this is not a sign of what the year to come will be like... maybe it's just summing up the year i already had. We then wrote a note and left it on the door stating that we had gone to Mary's. they called us when they got in and we walked back to her house, and then my mom came to get me. I was really anxious to get home and Emma was really anxious to get to Andrews so we were trying to round up the parents and open gifts and leave!

We left at 9:30.. so i got home at around 10:30 and went over to Erin's. haha, katelyn and erin were drinking when i arrived so i had some wine that her parents had donated.. ick. It was a lonely party, just the 3 of us drinking by ourselves. And then we watched Slumber party just to top it all off.. hahaha.. don't ever, ever watch that movie... EVER. And erin passed out on the couch. yay! party.

...just get hit by a car, save yourself.

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 04:05:10 GMT

This how my last two days have begun... 'ting ting ting' goes my VERY hungarian driving instructor banging a pointer stick on the white board. urgh.
Driving school is this one room with long brown tables and ugly like 1970's 'teacher lounge' chairs, that you have to sit in from 9:30-4:00. And i sit in this little area, that is so far in to the corner that the desk has already ended before it even reached me, with the heater directly above my head making a loud humming sound to the extent that i can barely hear anything. and everytime i leave my 'little space' to go outside during our break the teachers wife finds it necessary to re-adjust the heater temperature so that i die from overheating. Its so lame and gross.

the more we move ahead the more we're stuck in rewind.

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 23:26:01 GMT

so today was pretty boring, it involved a whole lot of nothing. I watched some show on parents with obese children, and this 3 yr old was 150lbs... ick. i just dont get the parents of these kids... one said 'he's fat because he knows how to open the refrigerator door.'..... seriously. anyways, then i had work which was alright, but FREEZING. I've been waiting for like a month to get my minus the bear shirt in the mail, and it was only supposed to take like 7 days.. but that's what you get when you order over the internet and you live in canada. and it came yesterday and i was all excited, until i opened it and realized that it was a tank-top... a tank-top! who wants a minus the bear tank-top? ah. now im dissapointed, and stuck with a pink thing, that i will most likely never wear, although i could make an expection seeing as it is minus the bear and it does have a unicorn on it :) but i'll see. Tomorrow i have to go and see my uncle, at least i think he's my uncle, in cambridge. It should be interesting because he was taken from his home and put into a hospital because he was found wedged between the wall and his couch. And he's crazy, he hides food, 'ensure' drinks, and hospital diapers behind his curtains so that he doesnt have to eat/use them, which is humerous. He also has no idea who any of us are, which makes me wonder why we even bother to go and visit him in the first place, but its christmas so i think I'm obligated to go.
Now im just sitting, eating all of the chocolates that i've missed out of my count down to christmas calendar, yum. and listening to my family search around frantically for a christmas wreath..?..
later.

numero uno

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 04:11:54 GMT

this is as exciting as it gets folks, my very first livejournal entry, whoo! And im leaving now because my shrimp ring is defrosted and waiting to be eaten!..
peace.